![]() ![]() Say this about Quebec, they’re not very good at keeping their teams but they damn sure know how to name them. The WHA stalwart and (kind of) charter member of the fledgling NHL lasted until 1920 before moving to Hamilton. And we can’t even complain about the lack of originality, because this team dates back to the 1800s. There’s a reason half the high schools and colleges out there seem to go by “Bulldogs,” it’s a great name. Still, this is a cool name and we should find a way to bring it back. The Pittsburgh Pirates only lasted five seasons in the NHL’s early days, and they have the misfortune of sharing the name with a baseball team that’s largely become a joke. Simple, intimidating, and brimming with fun possibilities for fans. Do you know what would have been cooler? North Sharks, but nobody asked me, so here we are. ![]() He claws with his fingernails for that inch! OK, Sharks don’t have fingernails. But “North Stars” is just a fantastic name, and so much better than what the watered-down names we got from the move to Dallas or the resurrected team in Minnesota. Maybe I’m leaning too heavily on the northern-based names or my nostalgia for the clubs we lost in the ’90s. ![]() Pace yourself, we’ve got 58 more of these to go. Which for a 1970s hockey team is pretty much perfect. It sounds like somebody is punching you in the face. Then they went with the French version, which is a rare case of being true to your roots rather than your marketing department.īut the key here is that you don’t need to know French or to even know what the name means for it to work. They basically named the team the Northmen, which makes sense geographically and sounds intimidating without being too over-the-top. Is it some sort of objectively correct ranking that’s exactly right in every single spot from one all the way through to 59? Also yes. Is all of this just one guy’s opinion? Yes, of course. So we’ll begin at the beginning, starting with the best name ever and working down to the worst. Also, you’re going to be cranky at me for not picking your favorite team as the very bestest name ever, and I want to get that out of the way early because if that’s the way you feel after this is all over, you’ll hit the “meh” button and then Mirtle drives up to Ottawa and kicks my dog. But I’m going to flip the script on this one because I know my readers, and you all just want to see which names I’m going to dump on. Tradition would say we go from worst-to-best on this sort of thing, counting our way down to No. (And for the record, Rainbow Unicorns would be a fantastic team name. If your team is called The Rainbow Unicorns, then that’s how it will be judged, regardless of whether Jedediah “The Rainbow Unicorn” Brickenback was actually the name of some local war hero or the owner’s great grandfather or whatever. Would you think this was a cool name for a hockey team? That’s all we’re worried about.Īnd to go one step further, we’re just interested in the name itself, without any fancy backstory about how it came to be. Instead, imagine you’re brand new to the sport, or a little kid, or an alien from another planet. And we certainly don’t care about all the history and memories that have become attached to it over the years, decades or even a century. We don’t care if it looked good on a uniform. We don’t care if the name lends itself to a cool logo. This is a ranking of team names, and team names only. ![]()
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